Here follows a feedback on our Draft 2 from our teacher:
- Make the narrative clearer – give a meaning to why he is leaving the house and where he is going.
- Need more close-ups, primarily in performance, for example when the singer first begins, having a close-up of his face.
- Likes match-on-action of him opening the door.
- Praised the variety of framing and angles used, e.g. the high-angle above the bunker.
- Develop the idea that he is becoming more anxious by interlinking it with the performance sections.
- “Interesting transitions work okay” – these could be improved upon.
- Much needed emphasis on the sighing in the middle of the song – perhaps a close-up?
- “Stuttered ghost effect is good”
- Need to show more evidence of his anxiety somehow