From this read through my article I have produced some targets for my next draft:

• Find some better adjectives and synonyms for the words I repeated using throughout the article
• Ensure my sentence structure is better
• Proof read my work before submitting as some sentences didn’t make sense
• Check for Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation

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Feedback from first draft:

• Very nicely structured overall
• A few words that weren’t finished or spelt incorrectly
• Make sure you proof read your work before submitting it
• Always check for punctuation

Below is my new and improved article:

What has changed from the previous article?:

• I have proof read my sentences before submitting it.
• Improved on my punctuation and spelling
• I have made the sentences flow better
• I have added a name for the tour

What can be improved?:

• I could cut down the story line as it is quite long
• Speak more about the tour