Teacher feedback and final targets

After getting feedback on my magazine on such things as technical skills; like the use of photo manipulation, and the consistency of colour from the teacher I have had constructive criticism on what I could do to improve, therefore, the final targets are:

Front Page

  • The quote needs to be in line with the writing above.
  • Maybe use a colour similar to the gold necklace and incorporate it in to the pug etc.
  • The background is quite plain and needs something to make the main cover star stand out.
  • Could outline/put drop shadow on the masthead.
  • Angle the pug.

Contents Page

  • ‘Page 2’ needs to be on the right.
  • Move the black ’24’ square on the right side.
  • Make the writing in the pug stand out.
  • Explain what the stars are doing a bit more.
  • Another model (Hollie H) who features a tiny bit could have a larger image of just her.
  • Make the inserts bigger at the bottom.

Double Page Spread

  • Could put the first paragraph in bold to intrigue the reader.
  • Use the other bold font on the other quote.

Feedback on article

To have more varied feedback, one of my peers (Carney) read my article out loud to see whether everything made sense and if there was any typos and corrections I needed to make so that I can improve my writing and magazine on a whole.

Below is the recording of Carney reading then analysing my work.

 

My targets for development are to:

  • Correct the absence of words that I missed out.
  • Change “He taught me the guitar, not just play it, but how to hold it and understand the instrument.”  – with this I need to take out the ‘hold it and’ as it comes across as unnecessary and not emotionally effective.
  • I have put ‘the single has become even social media has been raving about…’ which doesn’t make sense, therefore I need to correct it.

 

Article idea development

 

 

When thinking about writing my article for my music magazine,I need to consider who i’m writing for and what my target audience would want to read. Therefore, I have filled in a template of ideas for my article which is similar to a brainstorm, and chose what type it would be, which is a biography. I have completed this so that I can plan what I am going to write; resulting in making sure I don’t go off track and lose my reader’s interest.

Language Analysis

 

September 2017, James Lavelle, Dorian Lynskey

 

The structure of this article is a biography that is created to be easy and fun to read; due to the different sizes of writing and bold choice in colour: (red label at the top of the page, the text ‘Dorian Lynskey’ in red, the Drop Cap.

This article informs you that the presence of the journalist is current during the Biography, you can tell he is there because of the introduction paragraph which states ‘Dorian Lynskey hears his story’. The impact of the journalist being there makes the reader feel more as if they can try and get secrets and truth out of the person, also, come across as friendly/reliable, therefore leading them to want to read what they have to say.

From reading the article, the journalist sets the location quickly and in a short manner by saying that they are in James Lavelle’s ‘manager’s office in Camden’  which gives off a sense that he must be a hard working man. The writer gives off the connotations of Lavelle to be:

– Strong, as he tells them how he went through a rough patch and was broke.

– Wise, because he has ‘learnt from his mistakes’.

– ‘Boy wonder’, as of his music career, was a director and founder of a music label.

Analysing closely at the text, the writer has used literary techniques to entice the audience, for example:

-Short sentence- ‘James Lavelle has.’

-Adjectives- ‘visionary lightning rod’, ‘hipster geek’, ‘Insane’, ‘gutsy’.

-Retorical question- ‘Have you looked at yourself? And have you thought about the mistakes you’ve made, and the road you’ve walked?’

-Metaphor- ‘Everest of cocaine’

these are all used to create an impression and build his meta narrative into something that he wants the audience to see him as. For example with the expression of drug use and repeated swearing you can instantly tell this is targeted at older readers.

The mode of address comes across to be as if the writer is talking straight to you, this results in the reader feeling involved and that it’s their business due to him sharing Lavelle’s story.

Assuming that the writer would have spoken to the star for a good amount of time, the only quotes he put forward we’re very simplistic answers, and had two with swearing, which suggests that he’s not afraid of his reputation being ruined as he knew that this was going to be published. Some quotes consisted of: “A fu**ing amazing night”, “It was beautiful”, “While I had it.”, “The last 13 years have been fu**ing tough financially”.

Reading this article, the reader would experience an understanding of what this man does/has done. And, now know about his life which makes them in this case sympathise that he was broke and creates a small connection.

In conclusion, the journalist of this article, Dorian Lynskey, represents the star through his writing as a man who is just like us and has had set backs however is trying to portray the idea of positivity.

Draft 4 feedback and targets

Feedback – Front cover

  • The main cover line may be too close to the main cover star’s face
  • Can’t see the header too well
  • Nice masthead
  • Good captions
  • Need to indicate who the quote belongs to
  • The three boxes clash with the barcode- make barcode smaller?
  • Love the captions of whats in it
  • The wrapped text around her head looks good
  • Pug could be tilted and text centered
  • Genre is unclear
  • Background could be textured
  • Text close quite to her head
  • Contents Page
  • Drop shadow on boarder maybe?
  • Text sub headers have different spacing
  • Love the colour scheme
  • good images

Double Page Spread

  • ‘Raw fame’ may need linking as it seems quite random
  • Nice simple headline
  • Good quote
  • Have included drop caps
  • Font smaller?
  • Might look less bare to have a quote on the left?
  • Good that she’s looking towards the text
  • Interesting to look at

My targets to follow so that I can improve my Music Magazine are to; go through each section of the feedback thoroughly, and take in what has been said so that I can create the magazine to the best of my ability, such as making sure the genre is clear, I will do this by adding in a sub heading of something along the lines of ‘Britain’s greatest indie magazine’.

A new improved double page spread

 

This is my final version of my Double Page Spread for my music magazine, I have listened to people’s criticisms and feedback to improved my work with. What I have added/changed are:

  • Capital letter at the beginning of each paragraph -Why?- I’ve added in these bold capitals to make the page seem more exciting and for the writing to be more interesting, also, to break up the block writing.
  • Changed the positioning of the inner two paragraphs -Why?- This way I think that it appears less writing which people would want to read more rather than pages of just plain writing, moreover, it’s quite different to the normal magazine positioning which adds to the indie genre.
  • ‘RAW FAME’  this text that I put in is very indie and edgy- especially due to the shape – Why?- I feel like this makes the page on the left less bare and creates her star image to make her look more famous.