Use more performance footage to add more dynamic, have it so it becomes more fast paced and energetic. For narrative maybe mise-en-scene isn’t very good and some more close-up shots may need to be applied to help show our characters emotion, make sure that the message of the video is presented more clearly, the narrative is too simplistic so expanding the story through shots and visual metaphors may help and maybe experiment with a comic book style. Even so there shots that are good in both performance ans narrative and it is nice first draft.
- Re-shoot some shots for better quality in focus, mise-en-scene and storytelling.
- Edit the performance to be more fast paced and energetic.
- Use effects to give the video a style or theme maybe like a comic book.
- Build on the conflict between the protagonist and bully to be more dramatic.
- Expand on the narrative, possibly make it more edgy to give it more weight.
- Add more complexity with close-ups and confrontation shots.
- Edit some shots to be more in sync with the music.