Above is a recording of me reading my first draft of my article out loud. This has been useful as I have realised areas that do not sound right and that break up the flow of the article. Applying the corrections that I mention in the recording will help improve my article greatly.

Below is a second draft of my article the I have corrected after listening back to the voice recording and after peer and teacher feedback.

The changes that I have made means that my article now flows better and better fits with my star so that he appears more genuine and present. The changes I have made are:

• I have said the album name earlier on
• Deleted the sentence at the end of the first paragraph as it was repeat of a sentence earlier on.
• Added a comma before the lyric quote
• Changed the adjective used to describe Mylo to make Declan seem more real and genuine

I think that this is a good article to go on my double page spread. Along with the article there will also be images of the star which I will take on the 11th of December. In these photos I want to show off that the star is down to earth and real as the article is talking about his extraordinary life.