Now I have finished writing up my first draft of my article, I am now able to look for improvements (from personal preference and peers) that I can add or change.

My draft is featured below along side a voice memo of myself reading it aloud. When speaking, I was able to realise if certain sentences didn’t make sense, if words were repeated, if I missed capital letters etc. These mistakes are also spoken about in the voice memo.

Please click on the document to open it up.

As well as reading it myself, I also sent it to be evaluated for any improvements that could be made my teacher. Below shows my drat article after it was commented on. This was helpful to do as although some comments were the same as what I discovered I need to improve, I also recieved new improvements.

Looking at the improvements recommended to be made, I will need to:

• Add a name of my article (the “10 million and counting…” idea I quite like)
• Make the introduction and conclusion set the scene. (presence of journalism)
• Change the openings of some of the paragraphs and certain words as they repeat.
• Reduce the amount of brackets used (as there are a lot!)
• Possibly add some more details of her life to add interest
• Proof read for capital letters and certain punctuation