From the feedback on the previous draft I was able to add to my article and improve it. Below is my third draft:

Please click to go to my 3rd draft.

I added punctuation to help the article flow, and clarified at the beginning of the article, who I was talking about. This should help the audience to understand more clearly who I am referring to.

My target for my next draft is to carefully review if the article is appropriate for my target audience and to adapt it so it is the most interesting for them to read.